This 🧻 is the question the dating aps need

There are two types of people in this world, and it only takes one quick observation.

Some might be thinking skin tone (as if that’s a binary). Or man or woman (also not a binary). I had a middle school gym teacher split us into groups based on whether our belly button was innie or outie (um, outside my expertise on whether that’s a binary).

Nope, the question that can neatly categorize all folks is this:

🧻 Do you hang the toilet paper with the paper over the top or up from the bottom of the roll? 🧻

It’s the type of question they should ask on dating apps. It’s more useful than knowing someone’s religion, political affiliation, where they stand on abortion, or how many kids they want to have. Perhaps even more important than their commitment to the Oxford comma.

Why so important? Because if you choose to live with your partner - and even marry them - you two will go through countless rolls of toilet paper. Of course when you finish a roll, you won’t be leaving that empty cardboard tube for your spouse (were you raised by wolves?!) so it matters to the household serenity that you replace it correctly.

Because it’s the mundane daily details that expose Real. Married. Life. Leaving dishes in the sink. Balancing the recycling on top of the overfull bin. Loading the dishwasher.

I thought my ex and I were going to last forever, and I based this assumption largely on our natural agreement on how the toilet paper should be hung on the roll. Perhaps I was lulled into false complacency: I mean alright we didn’t communicate well and had divergent life goals, but the toilet paper was good.

Maybe over time it was just easier not to talk about the big stuff. If we held on tightly to those little household rhythms and compatibilities, we’d be good, right?

Right?

Or would we just be roommates?

***

What about you? If you’re in a position where you are contemplating or embarking on a divorce, my course Fresh Start can help. There’s no toilet paper wisdom, but there are amazing divorce experts who share their insights. Welcome in.

Warmly,

Sarah 🖖

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Find your rage! 👿 and other things I’ve misheard