Get your “but” out

Jan 24, 2022

I've been trying to get rid of my "but"s.

I’ve recently started looking for any opportunity to swap the word “but” for the word “and”.

So instead of, “I hear what you’re saying but I disagree.” I say, “I hear what you’re saying and I disagree.”

“I respect you but I didn’t like it when you said that.” Becomes, “I respect you and I didn’t like it when you said that.”


It shifts the meaning a bit, doesn’t it? I've discovered that it opens issues that might at first seem to be in opposition, but which in reality co-exist. Rarely are life’s situations as simple as black and white! When we reduce that binary thinking, we are capable of more complex “both / and” conversations.

Let’s try it with some harder ones.

  • “I love him but and it’s time to separate.”
  • “She said hurtful things but and she’s a good person.”
  • “I’m sad about my marriage ending but and I’m grateful for my past.”
  • “They cheated on me but and they’re a good parent.”

I wish I had done this earlier, it might have changed the way I communicated with my ex-husband. I love you and I’m mad at you! You’re nice and you’re an asshole! (Er, forget that last one.)

I invite you to try it out in your own conversations. Write me back and tell me how it's going.

Sarah 🖖

PS: To complement my online divorce course, I’m building another smaller course that’s laser-focused on divorce finances. I’m thinking of calling it “Divide Not Conquer” - what do you think?

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